The concepts of introversion and subjectivity often go hand in hand. First and foremost they deal with intrinsic issues. Issues of the mind. Issues that are internal to us all. We all have our own subjective beliefs on the true nature of things and to a certain extent, we’re all at some point or other looking inwardly at our introverted selves.
Why do we do this? Why do we maintain subjective beliefs and our own internal views of ourselves when the reality is that the truth can only ever be objective, that how we are viewed is the actual state of things rather than how we think we are viewed.
We do this because we have one primal need. The need to be loved and the need to feel attracted to. Its is intrinsic to us all. At the very basis of our needs hierarchy, we must feel safe and secure. Love and belonging provide us with this security. Love and belonging are innate – but real. It is from here that everything else blossoms.
So, conversely then, if it is love and belonging that we most need – what do we most fear? The question is largely rhetorical.
Without love and/or belonging there is a feeling of emptiness, of loss, of not being wanted – of being rejected (cue creepy music).
Think of it like this, Belonging and Rejection are the positive and negative poles of a magnet. Ultimately though, a magnet always attracts – it’s just a matter of positioning. I’ll come back to this concept later.
Unless we bear some masochistic tendencies, we all fear rejection. We all wish to know that there is someone or something out there that needs us, wants us to be involved, to participate for the greater good. Reality continually bites, however, and we do experience rejection from time to time. Rejection takes many forms, relationship breakdowns, job losses, and being the unsuccessful applicants for a job are just some forms of rejection that we as rational human beings must embrace. I mean truly embrace.
Nobody wants to be rejected, but it happens. If everyone decided that things were too hard and never took that step and asked that guy or girl out, or never applied for the job because they were worried they might miss out, where would the world be? We would have a huge population shortage and nothing would be getting done! Seriously, though, it’s about taking chances, having a go, sticking your neck out, hauling it up the flagpole to see who salutes it (I could go on with these sayings, but they are sayings for a reason – because they are true). Imagine if the Beatles gave up because Decca records said they didn’t have a career in show business or if Harrison Ford quit after being told that he didn’t have ‘what it took’ to be a movie star. All of the things said to the Beatles and Harrison Ford and countless other success stories were all just subjective thoughts of a small number of people. It was not reality.
The very same goes for rejection. What we think is merely that. A subjective reflection on what we believe to be the true nature of things. Just a thought and nothing more. Our own introverted thoughts are stopping us from moving past what we as humans have labeled as rejection instead of just moving on to the next challenge, and this is where introverts have the innate advantage over extroverts.
Introverts can channel what they have experienced and learned through the various instances of rejection and become chameleons. The creative side of an introvert enables them to continually morph, change, and adapt faster than the rest of the community into the very thing that the next job or relationship is looking for. They can market themselves better than most. It’s all about getting the gig and then managing things after that. I’m not talking about being false or untrue – I’m talking about being adaptable. Adaptability is the best way to manage rejection. Introverts have the adaptability skill set in spades. Who else but the profession with perhaps the most introverts of all – Acting – deals with rejection on a daily (if not twice and three times daily!) basis and still manages to go on to the next audition.
Nothing need be complex. Humans are at the top fo the food chains because we can adapt to our surroundings. Introverts can go that one step further and adapt almost imperceptibly to a point where they are malleable to any situation.
It is simple. Wayne Gretzky, the champion Ice Hockey player, once noted, ‘you will always miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take’. To put it another way, don’t fear risk, don’t fear rejection. Embrace it, learn from it, adapt to it and realise the power you get from that adaptation. The Power of adaptation is magnetic. If you position yourself through adaptation you will always attract.
jodi · January 2, 2017 at 7:15 pm
hey Shane. Thanks for another excellent and thought provoking post. What I find most amazing is that you and I appear to be in sync. My current works are focusing on what binds us- reflecting upon how our intrinsic values as well as the external influences can impact on our actions. Must be that two great minds thing 🙂
Shane Mallory · January 2, 2017 at 7:17 pm
Thanks Jodi. I struggled with this one for a while. Finally got down what I wanted to say. Definitely great minds!
okikiolastore · May 17, 2017 at 11:44 pm
really love this article…..quite motivating!!
Shane Mallory · May 18, 2017 at 8:07 am
So glad you enjoyed this article and felt motivated after reading it. Please share it around! Cheers, Shane