I often wonder whether I’m alone in my quandary.
Each morning, I stand opposite the shirts in my wardrobe and struggle with the dilemma… What shirt do I wear? I know. ‘First world problem, right’. Too right! There are thousands of people throughout our world who would love to have this type of choice. I should be able to just grab a shirt, put it on and be on my way. I mean it not like I going on a first date or anything.Honestly, how hard could it be. As true as it is, these are the words that go through my mind.
To be honest, sometimes, its paralysing. Not because of the choice but because a choice must be made. It is the pain of anxiety. Apparently all us ‘creatives’ have it. What if? But what about? What will happen? What will people think? It is the conundrum of having to make a decision while your mind constantly analyses the situation to the point of being overloaded with information and a decision becomes impossible. Its sounds corny, but it is true analysis paralysis. Too much data + not enough time = stasis.
It is often the standing joke in my house. Dad’s having a ‘Pick a Shirt’ moment. My eldest daughter even thought when she heard I was starting a blog, that ‘Pick a Shirt’ would be the name of my blog.
Come to think of it… No! Not today!
Because, now, I realise that it is in my confusion where my real decisions are made, where lights are turned on, where creativity is born and where innovation breathes life. I now embrace rather then endure the analysis I undertake. As S C Lourie so elegantly puts it… Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, its where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, its where you start to make more authentic decisions. It is this last sentence that aligns itself so well to the ‘Pick a Shirt’ analogy. Having the option to choose, (which in and of itself is a choice), enables me to be true to my authentic self. I’ve learnt through the angst of anxiety to trust, myself. The more authentic my decision, my choice, my chosen path, the greater the reward at the end. The harder I have to work to achieve the goals I set is in direct proportion to the feeling of satisfaction I get when the job is complete. When the decision is made.
This is where I’m most creative. In my acting, my directing and even in my day job. When the juices start to flow. When ideas spawn and begin to collide. When my headspace fills like fireworks in the night sky. Opportunity knocks. The challenge presents itself. Make that decision. Make it authentic. Manage the frustration. Its where the ‘bolts from the blue’ come. No more opacity. Just crystal clear clarity.
When I’m standing there having to ‘pick a shirt’.